Everyone wants a piece

So Fridays are my one day with Piper, my reward for working Monday through Thursday and barely having two hours with her between when I collect her from daycare and when she goes to bed. My make-up time, if you will. And I feel like I deserve them.

My problem is, not many people have the same desire to treat my Fridays as a holy day. People want to plan things, to stop by, to schedule appointments. Occasionally, if forced, I make an exception. But it's a slippery slope. Because let's face it, there's always good reason to see me on a Friday. A pressing reason. A reason why Saturday or Sunday wouldn't work as well. If I start to give up my time on Fridays, it's like leaking a drop of blood in an ocean of sharks.

My need to protect my Friday time with Piper is so strong. But how do I defend it without seeming like an inflexible witch? Does it make sense to anyone else out there that I'd want this world - this world that keeps monopolizing and sucking away my precious, precious time with my beautiful baby girl - TO LEAVE ME ALONE ON FRIDAY????????

No seriously. I'm asking???

Stinker

No, not Piper, although every once in a great while she can be a little stinker :) It's me. Lately I stink as a blogger, and I'm not sure that I can recover. Life is so full - I worry that I won't ever have time to blog again. Which is so sad because I love it and miss it! I'm torn - should I give up now and let it go? Or keep trying (and most likely failing miserably?).

I started a blog about Piper that's for our family to keep up on the happenings with the little munchkin. But I do think it'd be healthy to continue to have a blog of my own, since I still have an identity outside of just being a mother. Except that, let's be honest. Right now I don't. I work from home, four long days. Then Friday through Sunday I spend as much time as possible with Piper and run around doing all the things that running a household, being a wife and being a mom involve. Not to mention being a friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, etc. There's not time left over to define myself as an individual independent of someone else. And certainly no time to be interesting.

And maybe I'll never have that time again. But, maybe I will. I'm not sure. So for now, if you ever check this blog, I can't promise anything dramatic. But if you hang in there, I may be able to deliver a grown-up blog again someday :)

Wishing the day away

I know this is probably silly, but here is my fear after dropping Piper off today:  what if she isn't as happy anymore now that she has to go to daycare?  Will she still be the same smiley, giggly, girl who loves waking up every morning?  I just LOVE that she's such a happy baby - confident, easy going, energetic and aware.  What if this changes her in some fundamental way?

 

Drop-off actually went okay this morning - Piper looked uncertain, and her lower lip jutted out a few times, but there were two other kiddos there who were keeping her occupied and I didn't hear her cry as I left...?

 

How long do you think I need to wait before I call and find out how she's doing?

 

4:30pm can't come fast enough.

Bye Bye Mommy

First day of daycare tomorrow - Piper's bag is packed, we're ready to go.  Hubs read "Bye Bye Mommy" to Piper tonight, a book about getting dropped off at daycare (I can't even read it - it's too upsetting).  I'm so sad.  I know it's not that different - I've had family caring for Piper but I've been back to work for six weeks.  Still, I've been home and she's been home.  Tomorrow I'll be home and she'll be someplace else and that breaks my heart.  My plan was to keep Piper out of daycare for as long as possible, but I think I waited just a little too long.  Last week - just last week - she started getting separation anxiety.  I can't even bear to think of her crying when I leave her tomorrow.  I know, I know, I'm not - by far - the first to go through this, and I won't be the last.  But I'll have a tough day tomorrow all the same.

Broken promises

I know, you aren't going to believe me when I promise that now, finally now, I'll become a better blogger - the type of blogger I used to be. You know, one who actually - dare we say it? - blogs. But I promise I will! I think I've jumped a hurdle this week. The last of my family has left, after 6 weeks. I'm sad, of course. They were here to take care of Piper, and in the process - because they're awesome - they took care of us too. Cooking, cleaning, organizing, letting us nap. Letting us run out to the gym. Letting us do those things you no longer take for granted after having a baby, like showering. But the only positive is that now we've been forced to begin our normal routine, and it's one that we'd been putting off. And since we'd been putting it off, naturally I built it up in my mind as the worst transition i'd ever have to go through.

So far, it's not. This week, my MIL began her two days per week of daycare. Piper will go to daycare on Mondays and Tuesdays, and my MIL will come to the house on Wednesdays and Thursdays. We haven't started taking Piper to daycare, but this week we had my MIL come Wednesday and Thursday. And it was actually really good! HUGE sigh of relief. Because of course I'm home all day, working. Which adds another dimension to all this. But things went smoothly. Piper cries a little bit more with her than she does with me, but my MIL adores her and quickly distracts her with cuddles, toys, and an endless stream of genuine smiles of delight. Piper warms up to that kind of treatment quickly :)

Monday is our last big transition - daycare. We go to the daycare tomorrow to drop off paperwork and have C meet Piper. Then we get the weekend to fret about what dropoff will be like. And then, Monday at 4:30pm, it's over. And we begin the process of settling into our permanent routine.

Luckily, we have a lot to look forward to. Piper's baptism. Halloween. (I already have themed outfits for her to wear each day the week leading up to Halloween!). Thanksgiving with Mookie and B in Missouri, then Christmas with my sis, my nieces, and my mom in Austin. Now that my maternity leave is done I actually get vacation time again - and I plan to take it! So the next several months will be filled with my side of the family. And my mom will probably come again this winter for an extended stay to once again watch Piper (and watch over Piper's mom).

Speaking of Piper... she's amazing. She's the best kid ever! She's been sleeping through the night recently, she laughs and smiles and loves to cuddle with her mama. She's discovering her hands. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my little angel. I couldn't adore her more. Yet every day I, even though it hardly seems possible, I do :)

So that's the news. And now that things are more settled, I plan to blog more. Unless you have a death wish you're most likely not holding your breath. But maybe I'll surprise you...

All's well that ends well

Two pumps were hand delivered to my door no less than 40 minutes after my pump left me high and not so dry. By a husband no less. Friends (especially friends who live close and just switched to formula) are good to have. And it was priceless to have the husband telling me "Now this is the letdown button..."

Stress is

your breast pump breaking at the end of your workday when you're really really needing to pump before a conference call.  And by the time the sh*t hits the fan you don't have time left to run down and feed your baby, who's right downstairs and could totally help you out with this.  There are so many things that hurt about this situation.

Raining cats and dogs

It's a good day to be working from home, watching the storm out the big windows in our study and not having to drive home in this mess.

 

But it's been really hard to hear Piper crying downstairs and not be able to go to her.  Of course, with all this thunder I can't hear her now :)  Poor little smidge is having a bit of a tough time adjusting to not having her mama around.  Now, adjusting to the bottle?  Piece of cake.  Which hurts my boobs' feelings a tiny bit!  I worry soon she won't want to nurse at all :(  I hope not, but she impatient enough that it just could be the case...

Appreciating conveniences

Thank goodness for hands-free pumping bras, is all I have to say.
Multitasking at its best.

Transitions

Made it through my first day back to work (well, working from home).
Only cried once. Feel like have survived war. Need lots of Piper
snuggles and a bubble bath.

Always playing catch-up

Where to begin? The problem with being a bad poster is that then, once you do finally get around to posting, you have no idea where to start.

Piper is two months old on Monday! HOW? She's doing great, smiling more and more every day and becoming more interactive and alert. She's amazing.

I start back to work on Monday. There's a lot going on with work, and some big potential developments there but I'll say more if and when I have something to say.

One thing I can say with certainty: I should have taken 3 months off.

Too late now.

But B comes in on Sunday, and will take care of Piper this week. Then my mom comes the following Sunday for a month. Then my sis C for another week, and then Hubs is taking a week's vacation to be with Piper. So she'll be at least 3.5 months before she goes to her two days of daycare a week. God, daycare. I can't imagine it. That will be another difficult transition, even though I love our daycare provider and it's only two days.

On Saturday our friends have decided the whole group needs an adult night out, no kids. This, once we finally have a kid and no babysitter in sight as my MIL is out of town and I'm not about to leave her with someone who isn't family - yet. So Hubs will represent. But it's too bad - I could probably use an adult night out!!!

I'm sure there's a lot more to say, but I'm too tired to think of it right now :)

Where is the moment we needed the most

I'm sitting at Starbucks. When we first arrived here, Piper had an explosive dirty diaper -casualties were a cute froggy onesie, a baby blanket, and Miss P's cool. We went into the bathroom to clean her up and you'd never believe she could scream so loud for such a pint-sized little thing. It echoed off the walls and I swear the baristas must have thought I was torturing her in there.

For two nights straight over the weekend Piper didn't sleep at all. We'd introduced the bottle and she sucked in so much air she was full of gas, and thus full of fuss. Poor thing. We finally found a bottle that works for her, so last night she mercifully got a little rest. I'd been spoiled - before this bad patch she'd been sleeping through for about 6-8 hours at a stretch.

At her last peds appointment Pipes did okay - she hit the minimum weight gain for the time between visits so while the NP had hoped for more, I was just happy she was within the 'normal' range. But we're still working on getting her to eat more often throughout the day.

As for me, I'm just desperate to eat a hot meal with two hands. I'm hoping that now that the bottle thing has been addressed Piper will be more amenable to being put down. My arms ache from carrying her around for the past 48 hours.

Our home appraisal came in where we wanted it to given the state of property values in this economy, so we're happy about that. Of course, our air conditioner was on the fritz last weekend at the tail end of a heat wave and then this past Saturday night our garage door spring busted with one of the cars stuck inside. The repair man came out this morning and put a temporary fix in place while he ordered the required part, allowing me to get out of the house and procure some much needed caffeine. Lately I feel like my life (at least my life as it relates to major homeowner issues) could be the video for the Daniel Powter song Bad Day.

Harbingers of death

You may remember the baby birds of last summer. Or the bunnies of the summer prior. If you don't, I'll cut right to the chase: Hubs and I have a nasty way of inadvertently tearing apart animal families while trying - and failing miserably - to be helpful.

This year the tradition continues. With a turtle.

Out on a family walk, we passed a turtle who appeared to be stuck in a very random patch of mud. It was kicking its back legs but wasn't getting anywhere. I pointed it out to Hubs, instructing "Help that turtle! It's stuck!"

"I'm not sure we should..."

"HUBS! Help it! It needs help!"

He seemed hesitant, but then lifted the turtle out of the mud for relocation. At which time he noticed the eggs she was working on burying.

"She's burying her eggs," he said sadly. "I had a suspicion that's what she was doing."

"WHAT? What? What do you mean? You did? I didn't even know turtles lay eggs!"

He nodded regretfully. "They do."

"Oh no! Oh no! Put her back! Put her back in the mud!"

Hubs shook his head. "I think it's too late..."

"No, no! It's not too late. Put her back!"

He tried to place the turtle back in the mud, but she ran (okay, she crawled - painfully slowly) back toward the pond we were walking past.

"Try it again!" I insisted.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh, no! No, try again Hubs! Put her back and we'll hurry up and walk away and she'll realize she doesn't have to be scared of us!"

Hubs stood firm. "No, I'm just going to leave her alone now."

"Well, maybe we should cover up the eggs for her? That way when she comes back they'll be safely buried?"

Hubs was already pushing the stroller along the trail ahead of me. "I think we've probably done enough."

"Aw, crap. Why does this always happen to us?"

"I think it's usually your fault."

"Yeah. I need to start watching The Animal Planet."

"It's just Animal Planet. Not The Animal Planet."

"Really?"

"Obviously you have a lot to learn."

Do real grown ups say 'oops'?

Life with Piper is surprisingly... normal. It's so new, but at the same time it feels like we've been doing this forever. I can't remember ever not having this tiny extension of myself. It will be interesting as she grows into her own little person! She's definitely willful and impatient, traits she got from her mama. But she's also a fantastic sleeper, which is a gift from my side of the gene pool as well.

We probably could have approached maternity/paternity leave with fewer aspirations though. Our project list is a large part of what's caused us stress. Wanting to get a lot done with a new baby is a recipe for chaos. But at the same time, Hubs and I were so rarely home beforehand that this is the most natural time to start crossing things off our to do list.

That being said, in hindsight I can see we should have done a few things differently. Case in point, Wednesday night we set about the project of installing new shelves in the living room. At around 8pm. While preparing for a home appraisal the following morning. Not. Smart.

You're wondering how this stroke of genius played out? Well, we got to bed the following morning around 3am. One shelf installed, a large framed print hung next to it covering the six new holes in the wall that resulted from attempting to install shelf #2. All four members of the household very unhappy. You might even say on the verge of breakdown. (Okay, Piper and I were the only two breaking down, but the men of the house were certainly cranky to say the least!)

While Hubs fought with the shelves I'd gone outside to pull the weeds along the driveway, wanting the overall first impression of our home to be favorable. It was beyond dusk, and the mosquitoes were out in full force. I now have no less than twenty ugly red welts covering my body, but it can't be said that I didn't totally take one for the team. And for the record I also smacked down at least five of those hateful blood suckers, so a modicum of revenge was realized.

Anyway, as if our lack of sound judgment in that situation weren't enough, the next day we discovered that we'd positioned our grill too close to the house, thereby melting some of the siding below our bay windows in the back. Which, for us, begged the question, are we just total idiots? Do other intelligent adults do so many stupid things in the course of a few days? Are we incompetent?

I posed these question to Mookie today in a moment of pure self-flagellation. He assured me that learning a few life lessons the hard way was par for the course. He suggested I count myself lucky that we didn't burn down the house as part of our education.

Where does the time go?

I have been meaning to post forever, but somehow the time slips through my fingers every day. It's been a whirlwind, and Piper is now 3 and a 1/2 weeks old! She's doing great, and we're smitten. Sweet baby girl!

Life has been so busy. Our days are packed with visits from family, friends and coworkers, house projects, errands, not to mention the business of caring for a newborn.

All in all things have gone smoothly. Labor was more painful than I'd expected but went off without a hitch. The first few days afterward were hard but within two weeks I was back to my pre-pregnancy self so my recovery was quick. Piper's had a little trouble with weight gain but nurses wonderfully and sleeps like a dream. We've been a little overwhelmed with visitors but we're hanging in there and are thrilled that so many people are just dying to love this little angel.

Hubs has been home with us for the past month but goes back to work next week, so that might make day to day life more challenging :) In another month my stepmom comes, then my mom will be here for four weeks, then my sis for a week so we'll have non-stop house guests (and extra sets of hands) for a while.

There's so much to say, but it's very late and I'm going to grab some sleep while I can! Hopefully more soon...

Allow me to introduce...

Piper Collins, born Monday June 14th at 5:24pm, 6 lbs 7 oz, 20 inches

Piper is home, healthy, and doing great. More pictures and details to follow :)

A happier day

Better day:  lunch with friends, swimming at gym, a few errands and some final final nursery prep.  Now Hero's desperate for me to come out of the study so a quick post  :)  Little guy whimpering is too much to ignore.

Can't put my finger on it, but...

Well, I'm officially done with my tenure in the office - Monday's my first day sans commute! Friday was my last day on site and then I packed up my stuff and got set up at home! I'm very excited!

Especially because (notice the time stamp on this post) I'm experiencing a dramatic change in comfort level. As in, I'm no longer comfortable. I can't even put my finger on it, but I'm tweaky and agitated. I'm nauseous and feel a little flu-ish. My belly (and back) alternately hurts and contracts and my ankles are swollen. I can't sleep. :( I'm due in 6 days and I've finally hit the point where I'm feeling limited. Like, can't keep going the way I have been. Can't keep moving as fast, don't want to bend over, don't want to run errands all day, would rather not be expected to carry on as a functioning, productive human being.

Not sure what any of this means or doesn't mean. But I'm certainly glad I don't have to get up, showered, and dressed for work come Monday morning.

Tomorrow we have some more final decorating pieces to finish in the nursery but mostly it's all done and ready. The hospital bags are (mostly) packed. The plans are (mostly) in order. We have lunch plans with friends and will likely go swimming and other than that hopefully will spend the day watching Heroes on the movie-tron. The problem is the little things that will interrupt the rest - grocery shopping, laundry, a last minute Office Depot run.

Friday night we had late dinner with the in-laws to celebrate a birthday and Father's Day. Today we had thought we'd have an open schedule but ended up running around doing errands and going to pick up a grill (which took hours). So I was very sad that my relaxing weekend so far has not been that at all. I'm really pinning my hopes on a nice calm Sunday.

And a mandatory hospital stay where all I can do is focus on ME and this baby.

All hyped up and no place to go

Oh my goodness I am brimming with energy.  I can't seem to stop or slow down.  I feel like I could really use a sedative right about now.  My bedtime routine is all out of wack, and yet I still pop out of bed in the morning ready to go.  Although now that I'm at work I'm feeling just the littlest bit sleepy...

 

Tonight we go see our friends D and A's new baby boy!  I can't wait!

A new era

Okay, now I am really getting excited about the fact that as of Friday I will no longer be commuting to work!  I can't wait to sit in our sunny office with my Starbucks in my comfy pants - sans uncomfy shoes - and just *relax* while I go about my day.  I mean, work will still be work, but it'll be much less hectic.  Today at Target I bought a bunch of Ziploc bags on sale and didn't realize until I got home that I won't really need Ziploc bags anymore!  No more packed lunches!!!  I can just go down to the kitchen and grab whatever I want whenever I want!  I can pee in the privacy of my very own bathroom!  I can pump in the privacy of my very own... well, wherever I choose to pump! 

 

Hooray!

 

After our insane weekend I'm finally calming down.  Things are almost done now.  Friday my work set-up comes home with me and it's done.  Well, okay, hours of IT troubleshooting and technical difficulties could potentially follow before all systems are a go for Monday morning, but after all that, it's done.  *Sigh*

 

The giant letter for the baby's first name is painted and ready to get hung up on the wall, our final step to completing the nursery.  All of the baby's clothes are washed and folded and organized in her drawers or hung up in her closet.  Her pediatrician is picked and the papework is in a folder ready to go to the hospital with us.  My bag is mostly packed, and sitting waiting in my closet. 

 

Not a contraction to speak of.  No water leaking or gushing out of anywhere.  Change is not in the air - at least not yet.  So we wait.  Which is fine with me - I need a few days to put my feet up :)  And I'd really like to make the transition to the home office before all hell breaks loose.  I will be sad if something happens before Friday.  But once my trunk is full of company property and the final transition has been made, bring it on!

 

(I know, I know, I'm still not quite getting that nothing in my life anymore is dictated by my preferences or time table...)

Back to status quo

Don't get me wrong here, I'm *thrilled* to be working from home starting... gulp... next Monday!  But this past weekend, when I'd thought all we had to do was put some finishing touches on the nursery and pack our hospital bags, ended up involving a full remodel of the home office.  Thank goodness for Hubs, who was superman this weekend - in both patience levels and task completion.  I can breathe again, we're back to only finish touches in all our household projects :)  But boy oh boy, do I need to sleep for 1,000 years!

Despite the fact that I'll miss my coworkers horribly, I'm so grateful to soon lose the commute and gain some precious hours back in my life.  And our home office is so sunny and bright!!!

We had another weekly check in at the OB's this morning - nothing new to report.

Puzzle pieces

New gym with pool we love to soothe aching cankles: check
Requisite 25 pound weight gain: almost check (1 more pound to go.... then... enough already! Can't take any more!)
Weekly OB visits: check, please stop looking at my cervix - it hurts
Nursery almost complete: check
Mom back in country after a month in Germany: check, delivery is an option now
Pack 'n Play set up as crib in bedroom for first few weeks: check
Naughty dog adjusting to presence of Pack 'n Play: check, surprisingly uninterested?
Coveted work from home slot secured: check!!! Bye bye commute! And dress clothes! And showering!

Almost ready now :)

What a difference a week makes

I'm definitely feeling like we're close(r) to being ready for this baby now. Whew. I was getting worried there for a minute (if you couldn't tell). But it's like suddenly things are coming together and falling into place and we've made great headway on the nursery and have most of what we need. And.. .knock on wood... have a relatively open weekend to tie up loose ends - something that's very hard to come by in the McHousehold.

Hubs took yesterday off work and did a lot to get us moving in this positive direction. I also hit Babies R Us on my way into the office today and that didn't hurt either.

Yesterday our friends went into the hospital for a c-section for their second child and both mom and baby are happy, healthy and doing well. Hubs is going to see them tonight while I'm stuck at work. I wanted to go see them too, but I'm sure this or next week we'll have the chance to bring them dinner and visit their newest addition.

We had our 'friends' baby shower on Sunday - finally a couples one! I think I mentioned in a previous post that we'd just found out the hosts of our shower are pregnant as well! We're so excited for them. I already gave A a bunch of my dresses (maternity and some not) to help expand her 'suddenly none of my clothes fit' wardrobe. I'm looking forward to handing down the rest of my maternity clothes soon...

Clearly, I'm on baby overload :)

So life goes on and things just continue to unfold. It's weird to think that the next set of baby pictures going out through mass email among the friends will be ours!

Wishful thinking?

Starting our 35th week, I think? A glimmer of hope that I won't be pregnant forever! Of course, that glimmer of hope is combined with a massive increase in levels of discomfort. Suddenly, I'm all sorts of swollen and fat! Wha????? Now I see why people complain about the last trimester. I suppose I should count myself lucky that I only have to complain about the last month of the last trimester, but still...

Now the big question is, will I go early, late, or right on time? Because everyone I talk to (and remember, I talk to people all day long for my work) has a different tale to tell. My hospital bag is not yet packed, am I tempting fate? Or is it ridiculous to think Miss Mini Mac could arrive any day? I don't feel like she's all that ready to vacate the premises, but I suppose you never know.

I'm at work for another hour or so, and then we've got plans to tie up loose nursery ends over the course of the afternoon. Hero's at day camp, so we'll have some peace and quiet to actually make some headway. I can't wait to get that room in order!

In other big news (well, this topic is always big news for me), I'm thinking of switching my gym to a much cheaper option that also has a pool with a much more reasonable schedule. Right now my swim options are more limited than I'm comfortable with. Plus I have two friends that go to this other gym... but I have two that go to my current gym. Hmmm...

I know, if you're a parent you're probably laughing that I think I can even get to my gym once we have the little darlin' in the house. But I work with people around nutrition and fitness for a living. I don't have much choice - I have to walk the walk. Although I have been wondering about getting a WiiFit to workout more at home.

We just found out last night another couple we're good friends with is expecting! How fun! Our kids won't be too far apart. And I can hand down my maternity clothes soon! (I know, if you're a parent you're probably laughing that I think I can even get rid of my maternity clothes that soon after the baby's born.) We're very excited for them, although they're at the 10 week mark and poor A is suffering from morning sickness. I remember those days... If I can't yet hand down my maternity clothes maybe at the very least I can hand down my Zofran :)

15 more minutes at work and then out into the sunshine!

Happy Saturday!

A light at the end of the tunnel

A metaphorical light, and also a real one - shining from the sky? What's that big round happy ball of yellow goodness up there? I haven't seen it in so long I can't rememeber...


It's Friday! The sun is actually finally shining in Minnesota!!! I have Starbucks, and it's treat day at work so I also have two muffins! And I get to leave an hour early today, so I'm clockin' out at 3pm :)


Things are looking up a little.


Now if only the nursery were finished...

A little better now

Okay, it's almost Friday. I worked late, which means I get to leave early tomorrow. I met a friend for Thai food and my belly is full and my soul is a little bit soothed. I'm recording Grey's Anatomy and about to take a nice hot bath in some bath salts a coworker made for my baby shower that are supposed to help with swelling or bloating. After my bath, I'm going to crawl into bed with my feet elevated and resting on a heating pad and watch my favorite (and only really) tv show.

Life is hard sometimes, but tonight is finally a few moments of easy.

No one's gonna do it for you

5 Things I Didn't Know about Pregnancy:  My thoughts and advice for anyone who wants it

• At about 35 weeks, your ligaments might start to stretch as the baby descends further into your pelvis.  This, and not just overall pregnancy weight gain, is what often causes pregnant women to appear to waddle.  UNBELIEVABLE PAIN - not chub, it turns out - is the culprit!  My OB told me gently, "These are what they call the aches and pains of pregnancy."  Yeah, I'd kinda thought that after my award winning morning sickness, I would just avoid those.  I've skated along since trimester one.  But with 5 weeks to go, my luck is apparently running low...
• Having a baby, and having your family be excited about your having a baby, can be the #1 cause of overwhelming stress in your pregnancy.  And life.  Positive stress?  If I'm not being totally self-pitying, yes.  The fact that so many people are lined up and ready to love and spoil this little princess rotten is incredibly good fortune for her and for us.  But it doesn't mean it's always easy to navigate everyone else's opinions and expectations about your baby.  With the operative word being "your."
• No one really cuts you a break just because you're pregnant.  You still have to work.  Hard.  And cook and clean.  And walk the dog.  And attend to your church/community obligations.  And make and keep plans with friends and family no matter how exhausted you are or how swollen your cankles.  That being said, notice I said "no one cuts you a break."  That doesn't mean breaks can't be cut.  That means you're your only advocate, so speak up and assert your limits or spend the better part of ten months being disappointed by other people's lack of understanding about how hard it really truly is to bring another life into the world. 
• You will probably at some point be weirded out by your body, your baby, or both.  For example, when her limbs stick out and she moves beneath your skin like an alien.  Or when the doc checks your cervix and tells you that she can feel the baby's head with her fingers. 
• I don't have a 5th thing right now.  We had some family drama and were up late last night, and now have very busy rest-of-the-week through the weekend.  So if you couldn't tell from my first four thoughts, I'm tired, a little cranky, and in need of a break that I'm not assertive enough to take!!!!!

No rest for the weary

Back from another consignment sale.  Swollen ankles, several great deals...  going to fall into bed now...

Accentuate the positive

This past week(end) has been a very stressful one, with our first formal shower and lots of increased anxiety around getting things done and orchestrating roles for the people involved in this baby project.  With Dan and I coming from two very different families, it's a bit of a struggle to manage everyone's expectations and involvement in a way that keeps them, and us, happy and sane.  And my focus is definitely moving more toward the us.  For the sake of this baby, we need to be calm and centered and ensure that our own needs are firmly met.

 

On the bright side, admist all this stress we had a great ultrasound yesterday and everything looks perfect!  My low-lying placenta has righted itself, so no pre-determined c-section for this mama!  It may still happen, of course, who knows?  But at least it isn't a given.  And the baby looks wonderful - measuring right on target, with a fast/strong heartbeat.  She's a mini acrobat, twisting and turning and kicking and punching with gusto.  It's actually becoming a little uncomfortable - I can tell she's outgrowing her quarters.  Which I also see as a good sign - no need to overstay your lease, little one.  Head on out any time after my birthday in May (that's the date by which we plan to be 'ready to go' at any moment, should she decide to come a little early).

 

So all in all it's been a bad week, with our OB appointment being a happy bright spot in our yesterday.  I need to manage my stress better and take better care of myself, so that's what I'm vowing to do now.  I just learned of a friend's sister who had her 20 week ultrasound only to learn the baby had no heartbeat, and she's being induced on Friday.  It made me realize that we're lucky, and I should start acting like it.  If, in order to do that, I need to set firm boundaries to prevent outside stressors from taking over, then so be it.  I'll set 'em.  I want to be a happy, healthy mama.

Another milestone!

Everyone measures milestones differently. This isn't a baby milestone, but it's definitely a 'get ready for baby' milestone - we have a crib! And I love it! We found a mint condition crib at a consignment sale for 1/3 the price! It's lovely. It pays to wait in line before the sale even opens, like a crazy person, in the rain :) YAY!

Now we just need the rest of the nursery furniture... but one step at a time. We've got a few more quality consignment sales on the books so we're not sure what we'll find. Our area is ripe with stay-at-home moms, and boy do they know how to do up the sales - both planning them and taking advantage of them. Plus we've got three showers. So I need to be patient, but I can't shake the gut feeling that this little girl is going to come early. And I want to be ready.

Pictures of you

We get to see our baby girl at our OB appointment this Tuesday. At 20 weeks I had a low lying placenta and they want to make sure it's moved (I'm not even going to start stressing about that since in most cases, from what I've heard, the placenta will have shifted as the uterus grows).

I can't wait to see her! It's been months since we've had an ultrasound. YAY!

I'm trying to think of something, anything, non baby-related to write about, but let's face it - she's all there is right now. Which is probably how it should be.

I have my first baby shower this Sunday.

Oh, wait, I did think of something non baby-related! But crap, I forgot it already! Seriously?! Yup, I did. It's gone. Maybe next time.

Friday!

I kind of thought Friday might never come this week!  But it has!  Oh, thank you horrendously stressful and busy week, for FINALLY ENDING! 

 

I've been thinking about bed rest lately.  Longing for, is more like it.  I plan to work up until I have this baby unless circumstances dictate otherwise, but recently I've decided that if circumstances did dictate otherwise (as early as, say, now) I'd be totally fine with that.  My ankles and feet have started swelling.  A lot.  Like, hello major kankles.  Last night I drank plenty of fluid, rested with my feet up before dinner, went for a walk and then finally slept with my feet up in the hopes that I would once again be able see my ankle bones this morning.  Success!  But short lived success - they are starting to bulge again and it's not even noon.  It's the numbing, painful kind of swelling that leaves you aching for the day to end.  And, on some days, tearful when it won't come fast enough.

 

I have to say I've probably gotten off easy up till now.  I mean, okay, the first trimester (or at least the first trimester pre-Zofran) was hands down the most miserable physical experience of my life.  But post-Zofran, I've had a decent pregnancy.  I don't like carrying around extra weight, and I'm exhausted.  My back hurts.  My clothes don't fit (obviously) and getting dressed for work is a struggle.  But other than that, I'm not limited by being pregnant.  I can still do most of what I want to do.  Maybe I can't bend over quite as easily anymore, but even that, if push came to shove, I could manage. 

 

But I think I'm nearing that stage now, starting the 33rd week, where I'm uncomfortable.  And it's mostly the kankles that are doing me in.  That and the back pain.  So if my doctor told me that she'd prefer I no longer haul my large belly into the office and instead stay at home with my feet propped up, I'd take her up on the offer even though the loose ends aren't yet neatly tied up here at work.  I had my meeting with HR yesterday about leave paperwork, so I'm ready to go whenever I get the signal from my doctor or my uterus. 

 

Sadly, my OB just had a baby about five months ago.  She worked up until she delivered and then she was back in the office again 4 weeks later.  I'm not sensing that she's a sympathetic soul in this department, or that she has a loose wrist when it comes to signing off on disability paperwork.  So... how swollen do your kankles have to get before you have a legitimate case?  I'm guessing that unless they're accompanied by high blood pressure, I'm SOL...

Hey, stranger

Last night I didn't get home from a dinner until close to 9pm and Hubs didn't get home from work until midnight.  My ankles were so swollen my left foot went numb.  Hero work me up throughout the night, perched - as is now his custom - directly on top of my belly.  So tired today!  Thankfully, this evening both Hubs and I are home - we're desperately in need of some together time.  I don't know how we're going to raise a child when we only see each other on the weekends...

Mine? Mine. She's mine, right?

My biggest struggle with sleep right now is my littlest furry monster friend.  Hero has recently taken to coming up to my part of the bed at night and laying directly on my belly.  If I'm on my side, he lays on as much of my belly as he can, resting at least part of himself on it, not just against it.  If I'm on my back, he lays on top of me.  If I'm psuedo on my tummy (as on my tummy as I can get), he lays on my back.  He doesn't stay there all night, but leaves periodically and then comes back again.  It's hard to stay asleep with fur paws climbing all over you.

 

I think he thinks I'm cookin' this baby just for him.

Better late

Just in time for the baby's arrival, we finally got our wedding albums in the mail today!!!  2.5 years after the actual wedding! 

 

There's a story there, but it's long and boring so I'll spare you :)

Getting a grip

Okay, we have daycare in place!  WE HAVE DAYCARE IN PLACE!  Should all plans get shot to hell and Miss Mini Mac decide to arrive tomorrow, I would survive it now that we have daycare in place.

 

I *seriously* need to relax.  Talk about spinning out of control.  Today was ridiculous.  Someone should have tranquilized me. 

 

It's as if M3 knows that something has shifted - she's doing a little dance inside my uterus right now :)

All stressed up and nowhere to go

Foul mood Monday - I'm a ball of stress. Miss Mini Mac was moving around like crazy this morning and has become noticably still as my level of tension has skyrocketed. Mama's stressed, hunker down and wait out the cortisol influx. I'm so sorry Miss Mini! I hate it when my stress becomes her stress.

Waiting to hear back from first choice for childcare, and doing everything in my power *not* to check my home voicemail every 30 minutes. Please please please please please, I need to have this figured out. Oh, please. Please please please. Do not have filled this spot. Please have liked us enough to take our kid. And please call me soon to tell me you'll take our kid. Please please please.

We have childbirth class tonight. The topic is pain meds during delivery. Fun stuff.

I don't know why sometimes I'm cool as a cucumber and other times I'm out of my mind with anxiety. Today I'm definitely battling the latter. I seriously need to re-center. Right after I call my home voicemail just one last time...

This baby is expected to come in two months to the day. I suddenly feel wildly unprepared.

Two months to go...

I know, I know, I've been DISMAL about posting. I got so much better for a while! Okay, some quick updates:

• Nearing final decision with daycare - yay!
• Exciting possibilities on the work-from-home front, but still won't know anything for at least another month at the earliest :(
• Showers start next weekend and go through mid-May - fun :)
• Started childbirth classes every Monday night - very educational...
• Love love love the birthing center where we'll be delivering. Complete with in-house OB and NICU (for those of us who worry).
• Feeling great! Ankles are a little swollen, additional weight of belly is feeling a little, well, heavy. But all in all, I'm still able to be quite active and despite an overwhelming sense of fatigue I'm doing very well. My back hurts like nobody's business but I can handle it. So far. The giant exercise ball I balance on at my desk at work is saving my life.
• Have finally embraced maternity pants. Still squeeking by in two pairs of regular pants, but my days of working those into my wardrobe rotation are numbered. And not high numbers...
• No heartburn yet! Woohoo! By far, my least favorite of the anticipated pregnancy symptoms. Well, okay, the kankles might be my very least favorite, but I've already got those and so would seriously prefer to miss out on the heartburn if at all possible.
• Hero's doing well - allergies almost under control, ear infection clearing up, poor little guy has some serious issues to contend with in the spring!
• Next project on home improvement/get ready for baby list: transformation of formal sitting room into playroom! Requires installation of french doors to keep little rascal out (not the kid, the furry one...).
• Find out in two weeks if low lying placenta has moved - cross fingers. I'd prefer not to require a c-section right out the gate. If it comes to that, so be it. But I'd rather not have it be pre-determined by my placenta.
• And most importantly, baby update: she's moving like crazy and is doing great! I'm so excited to see her in two weeks - the one perk of the low lying placenta is that we get to have another ultrasound. I am so enamored with this kid and I haven't even met her yet. She rocks my world, literally and figuratively :)

So as you can see all is well, moving right along. I'll be posting more often now again - just had to get through a busy phase :)

Summing it up

Line from the movie Jerry McGuire "I'm pregnant and incable of bullshit". 

 

Yeah, I think I am approaching that point.  Sadly, we've just started the third trimester.

Sick as a dog

Hero got loose on Sunday.  He was 'missing' for about 15 minutes.  During that time, turns out he was in the garage.  I eventually found him there, tail-deep in his 40 lb bag of dog food that had been stored on a low shelf (rookie mistake on our part). 

 

He spent most of Sunday throwing up and pooping (the throwing up happened inside, but thankfully none of the pooping did) and repositioning himself from corner to corner in the various rooms of the house groaning in misery and staring at us with sad eyes and a mopey face. 

 

Hubs repeatedly asked him, "You know which bed you're sleeping in, right?"  The one you made.

 

He's better today, for which I'm very thankful.  It was horrible to see him so sick, even if he did bring it on himself entirely.  Our little glutton.

Eyes wide shut

My need to nap right now is overwhelming. 

 

Today I called the daycare woman who is coming so so so highly recommended by my therapist. She couldn't talk at that moment, because she was TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS!  Do you know how long I've waited to call an in-home daycare provider and hear that they are unable to drum up new business at the moment because they are caring for their charges?

 

Music.  To.  My.  Ears.

Now THAT'S therapeutic!

My therapist has offered to share her daycare provider with me.  If I were to - in the end - choose to go with this caregiver for our daughter, it will mean my therapist can no longer see me for counseling because of the conflict presented by running into me daily at morning drop-off and afternoon pick-up.  But she adores her caregiver and both her kids have been with this woman for years and she trusts her implicitly.  She knows how important finding good daycare is, and apparently she doesn't think I need the therapy that badly.  Which, to be honest, at this point in my life I don't - it's a nice support, but not necessary.  She sees my desperation for finding good care for our baby, and I think she believes the benefits of having that situation resolved will outweigh the negatives of me being booted from her client list.  She told me to think about.  I'm planning to call her tomorrow to obtain this baby whisperer's digits.

A post in which I whine about being too busy. I know, it's getting old.

I thought this weekend was going to be bad, and turns out I was right on the money.

Friday night Hubs and I both crashed from having not had a single weeknight that wasn't full to the brim until about 9-10pm.  It was nonstop all week, with not a moment of down time.  Then Saturday we'd agreed to watch my friend C's kids overnight while they went to a bed and breakfast in town. They desperately needed the break, but sadly so did we.  It was a long day and night.  We woke up Sunday to a race against the clock to get us both ready for church, home to let the dog out, and keep the kids fed and entertained until C and B returned. 

The end result?  5 minutes late to church (not bad at all given the circumstances), several kid meltdowns, several adult anxiety attacks, and a $145 speeding ticket.

Yup, right on the money with the total suckage that this weekend turned out to be.

Sunday we were at various events and services all day and then finally made it home by about 5pm.  We took Hero for a walk and then spent the rest of the night in our pjs watching 24.  This morning, up and at 'em with an early OB appointment, a bunch of errands, a dog walk, and now I'm headed to the office.

This week's another hellish one.  I honestly don't know how long we can keep up this pace.  And this is without a baby.  I definitely am not one of those people who thrive on being busy all the time, going from one thing to the next without vacant hours in between.  How we find ourselves here I don't know, but even more depressing is that I don't see a way out.  Must.  De-clutter.  Life. 

Fast.

Surrender

Last night we hosted a happy hour for Hubs' carpool group - it was very fun!  And, if I do say so myself, I made a killer fondue.  Yummmmmm.

 

Thank goodness it's Friday.  Busy week, busy weekend, but tonight a little respit before we hit the ground running tomorrow.

 

So I think I'm finally going to have to succumb next week and break into the maternity pants.  They're ready and waiting in my closet, and this morning when I put my regular jeans on I had to lie on the bed on my back to pull on my socks.  I couldn't bend down around my belly in my barely-buttoning denim.  Uncle.  I give.

A little peevishness to start out the morning

Okay, here is my biggest pet peeve EVER:

 

(Hopefully I haven't started out another post with that same opening - if I have, disregard because this time I'm serious.)

 

An ambulance is coming from behind, so like a dutiful citizen you pull over to let it pass.  It does, and then the *sshole who's pulled over behind you cuts in front of you to get back on the road just as you're trying (like everyone is trying) to get back on the road.  You stupid turd, wait your turn!  We ALL had to pull over, and now we're ALL getting back on the road.  Don't try to get ahead in a situation where people are carrying on with their lives after taking a moment to pause and do the right thing.  WAIT!  Life has turns, and you should wait yours whenever possible.

In the moment

I think the hardest part about having a baby is that not everything can be figured out at once. There's a lot of undecides and wait-and-sees. For example, my maternity leave. Not sure how much time I'm going to take yet. And HR won't meet with me to go over everything and get the process started for another month.

One thing we do know now is that Hubs will take his paternity leave in a 4 week chunk immediately after the baby is born, so we'll be home together as a family for 4 weeks - YAY! I know we'll be sleep deprived and adjusting to having a baby in the house, etc. but it sounds like bliss to me - 4 whole weeks together!!!

Another unknown is the daycare situation. Centers are perfectly willing to sign you up today, but in-home providers are unsure of what their openings will be come late summer/early fall. They tell me it's early to start looking. EARLY?!?! As a planner, I feel months behind on everything!

I'm itching to get the nursery done I think because of all these other unknowns. I want a place that's baby-ready, since I'm not feeling baby-ready right now, I just need to stay in the moment, and know it will all get figured out. Eventually.

Jaws

I had a wonderful weekend with my husband which reminded me that when we get time together, we're such a great couple! How can we get more time together?!?!?!

We need to reinstate date nights. Quick, before the McNugget makes her appearance.

On a scary note, Sunday morning we took Hero to the dog park and he got attacked by a pit bull! A pit bull! In a pink sweater of all things! (The pit bull, not Hero.) It was terrifying. It's amazing to me that no damage was done, because she was latched onto Hero's face for a good couple of seconds. There was some blood, but no discernible wound. Poor Hero was legitimately freaked out! It was nuts.

Some dogs should not go to the dog park. I won't get into my thoughts on pit bulls because it's complicated, but I will share my thoughts on pit bull owners who are apparently clueless: keep your untrained dog who just happens to have the capacity to be a killing machine at home. I realize we have a little terror of a dog, but the operative word there is little. And lacking the jaw power of a Great White. Neither of which can be said about this she-demon of a pit bull. My bottom line is, the more devastating the damage your dog can do, the more absolutely positive you'd better be that she isn't going to do it before you let her loose in public.

And for the love of all that's decent in this world, don't put her in a pink sweater!

Forward motion, if not exactly progress

My mom left on Sunday. I was so sad to see her go - it was really so nice having her here. But we had such a great visit that I didn't really feel upset by her leaving. Especially knowing she'll come back once the baby's born, so it won't be too long till I see her next. More than anything I feel blessed to have such a wonderful mom.

On Sunday after we dropped her off at the airport we ran a few errands and then went out for lunch. Back home we did some housework and then watched a few episodes of 24 on dvd from Netflix. It was a good day with Hubs, and that eased the transition to finding myself once again a geographical orphan :)

On the baby front, M3 (Miss Mini Mac) is squirming around like crazy and I love feeling her move! We'll finish part of the nursery this weekend and are resuming the hunt for daycare. In mid-March we visit the hospital where we'll deliver. I found a therapist who deals with pregnancy and postpartum issues (never can be too prepared) and I'm working with her to develop birthing and post-birth, back-at-home plans to keep me sane and healthy. I heart her. We're signing up for child birth classes, even though I don't feel like they'll be particularly helpful. But it's one of those things you do, right?

As for work, I still have no idea how much maternity leave I'll take or what kind of hours I'll go back to and how soon. Big question mark, but knowing I have flexibility there is nice (although in some ways even more daunting). I'm desperate to work at home, but so is most of the office so I have no idea whether or not that'll pan out.

Hero, more than anyone, is having trouble adjusting to my mom leaving. We've had many walks and visits to the dog park to try to compensate for his missing friend, but he's mostly inconsolable.

Just for kicks

This little girl's moving all over the place! I can feel her a lot now, and even Hubs and my mom can feel her through my stomach. Wild.

The nursery is painted!!!!!! Not decorated in any way, but painted!!!!!! It's not pink, and I feel slightly guilty about that. Not because it's not pink per se, but because it's not pastel. It's dark tan/light brown. Our nursery theme is 'jungle', and pink just doesn't belong in the jungle.

That's Miss Mini Mac to you!

Turns out we are the proud parents of a gorgeous, healthy, very little girl :)

Barely hanging in

I can make it. It's just one more day of work and tomorrow I'm off.  I can do it.  Right?

 

Last night we met with a woman about in-home daycare but weren't thrilled.  The search continues, which is hardly unexpected but you always hope for a miracle - that perfect situation - early on so you don't have to go through the stress, legwork, and unease of the whole process.  No miracle yet.

 

My big plan for the weekend is to paint the nursery with my mom.  I am definitely feeling like things need to start getting done in preparation for this baby.  I feel behind already.  How did that happen?

 

Today is a really full workday, and a long and stressful one.  And tonight I have a church function, and then I can relax.  Finally, I can relax.  And hopefully make good use of the Lush bath ball that Hubs bought me in Florida.  It's supposed to be calming.

 

It's cold, and I'm so tired.  Life has been so busy lately.  It really does feel like a ride I want to get off of.  I want to sit a round out.  Preferably in the bathtub.

It's gotta be the accent

Funny thing about Hero and my mom:  Hero obeys my mom.  I'm guessing it's gotta be the German accent, because he really doesn't obey anyone else.  That, and the fact that without uttering a word or making a movement, my mom emits a very strong alpha signal.  While she's downstairs with him, the laundry basket is left full on the floor, her slippers rest by the sofa, her tea sits on the coffee table.  Hero doesn't touch a thing.  He might go near the laundry basket, but then he looks up at my mom who looks sternly at him and he instantly retreats.  Can you bottle that for us, please?

 

Hero is seriously loving my mom being here though.  For starters, it means he's not left alone during the day while I'm at work.  It also means he gets hours of indoor and outdoor ball tossing, and plenty of walks.  He's happy as a little clam.  Our guest bedroom is in the basement, and I wake up in the morning to find Hero waiting patiently by the basement door for my mom to come up.  Every once in a while he gives a little whimper.  "Hurry, Oma, I'm ready to play!"

 

It's so nice to know that Hero is happy while I'm away.  It takes a lot of guilt and stress off my shoulders.  I can't imagine how I'll leave a kid behind, when I can barely even manage to leave my dog without feeling like the most awful puppy parent in the world.

Not lovin' the Mondays

Today I have a horrible case of the Mondays.  I'm here at work, my mom is at home with Hero, my husband is in Florida.  And I want to be in bed with my heating pad, a cup of tea and my netbook :(  Or my library book.  Any old kind of book will do.  With my mom puttering around downstairs and Hero running back and forth between the two of us like a cotton ball on speed.

 

I'm off on Friday, when we have our 20 week ultrasound and find out the baby's sex!  Hubs will be home with us by then, and afterward I get to spend the whole day with my mom and have a long weekend.  Right now it's what's keeping me going.  Only three more workdays to go...

Someone to watch over me

Yesterday evening I came home from a day of errands, took a nap, and woke up to dinner on the table. I love love love having my mom here! For so many reasons. In the short two days since her arrival I've already learned more about my mom than I have in ages - for some reason I'm full of questions about family history, and as it's just the two of us in the house right now (Hubs is at a conference) it's easy to chat all day long. And the pampering is a lifesaver, I have to admit. There's nothing sweeter when you're pregnant and dead tired from a busy life than having someone take over for you for a little while :)

Retraction

My mistake.  The twins are 20.

Could it be?

Last night as we were getting ready for bed Hubs told me Hugh Hefner broke up with the twins!!!!!!!!  How exactly Hubs knew that is beyond me... he's not a celebrity gossip kind of guy.  But regardless, yay!  I asked Hubs if he knew the reason behind the split.  He surmised that maybe it's because Hef is 83 and the twins are 18.  I surmised that maybe it's because Hef is at least moderately intelligent and the twins are dumb as matching posts.

Feelin' fine

Destruction of stolen property. Back to his naughty self :) Never thought I'd be so happy to see it!

Coming together

Well, things seem to be coming together a little bit better these days. This might be a long post, so I'll bullet point.

• For starters, our weekend was super productive. We finished off our guest room. Okay, not completely - we haven't really decorated it - but we did finally take the leap of getting a sleeper sofa so guests aren't relegated to an air mattress on the floor. We had a hard time deciding on how to furnish the guest room - bed, or sleep sofa? Single function or multipurpose? We finally decided on multipurpose, so that if need be (and second child should appear on the scene sooner rather than later) we can always move the study downstairs. Unless we decide to turn the formal sitting room into a study, but that would require the installation of French doors if I'm working from home because company policy decrees that I need a door on my workspace for privacy. And depending on my hours, being hidden away downstairs would be much more conducive to a productive work life is the kidlet's in the house. We actually had a fun Saturday evening at Ikea. After purchasing our sleeper sofa and arranging for delivery, we had dinner in the café - for $10! And it was a really yummy dinner! I had a vegetable soup that rivals my mom's homemade, and a pretty decent salad. Hubs had Swedish meatballs with lingonberries and those were some tasty Swedish meatballs (as is now customary, I finished my dinner and then started mooching off his plate).
• Sunday I did laundry, finally finished painting the closet in the study, and got things ready for my mom's arrival on Friday. I was so exhausted by Sunday night that I fell into bed and slept harder than I have in ages.
• Also, on Saturday Hubs' dad got released from the rehab place and came home! We welcomed him with homemade signs and had a family lunch to celebrate his homecoming.
• In between putting up signage and lunch, we popped out to visit a church daycare open house that made me think I'd died and gone to Heaven. So. Wonderful. And so $$$$$. But all in all, things are looking up with the daycare situation, at least a little bit. I visited another center about 5 minutes from our house yesterday, and it was a step up from what I'd been seeing. I also got in touch with one of Hubs' childhood friends whose mother used to do in-home daycare, and got several referrals from her (sadly, she herself no longer provides daycare). So there are more options than I'd imagined and I'm excited (rather than dreading) to check them all out and find the best situation for us.
• On a work front, I'm focused on getting my numbers where they would need to be so I'm competitive for an at-home slot. This means über productivity, and I'm exhausted by the end of the week. But I think I could pull it off... fingers crossed. The work-from-home program is becoming very desirable and the competition is definitely stiff, so please cross fingers!
• Today we had an OB appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat - everything's looking good and the baby was moving around like crazy! Our doc had trouble keeping up with him. This is a huge relief because I've read a million things that suggest that as a relatively thin person, I ought to be feeling the baby move by now. And I'm not. At all. So hearing the heart hammering away was much appreciated reassurance. Next Friday we go for our 20 week ultrasound and find out the gender!
• Poor Hero was sick yesterday! He didn't even greet me when I came home last night - he just lay on the floor and looked up at me piteously. He was lethargic and his belly seemed swollen. He just looked up at Hubs and I as if to say "Fix it, please..." It was heartbreaking. But I'm happy to report that last night he threw up, and hence this morning he appears to be back to his normal self - energetic (although still slightly less so) and with wagging tail. When I came home from the OB's he jumped up to greet me and pawed me until I petted him. That's the dog we know and love :)

And that sums up things with us. It's been a tiring few weeks but all in all I'm much more hopeful that things will work out okay for our future. Deep breaths and full steam ahead.

Almost perfect... but not quite

This week at work has been murder, and today's not looking any better. I started off my day with super early appointments, so I was in a rush to make it in on time. I left the house at 6:30, and was making good time. I stopped at Starbucks because I can't take a day like today sans caffeine (and I am not one of those pregnant people who swears off all caffeine - I swore it off for the first trimester but that was mostly because I was vomitting it right back up, along with everything else I ate/drank for 3 months). There was only one woman in front of me in line. Everything was looking good until... she ordered lattes and cappuccinos for her entire office. Srsly. Her entire office.

*$#@&!!!!!!

Opened a can of worms

I'm looking into daycare and so far am not yet finding a center I'm impressed with. Granted, I've just started looking so I'm not saying there isn't one out there for us. But I also want to explore the idea of a licensed in-home daycare provider - anyone have any suggestions of how to go about finding in-home daycares to review/interview? I know the issues with in-home providers (that licenses are not the same as accreditation, that often people providing the care don't have degrees in early childhood development, that there might not be anyone to 'watch over shoulders' that things are being done properly, etc.) but also know sometimes you can stumble upon a real goldmine.

Po-po, why so slow-slow?

On my way into work today, at a time when there should have been no traffic, the drive was slow.  Why, you ask?  Well I'm glad you asked.  It's because there was a state trooper on the highway clocking in BELOW THE SPEED LIMIT and no one (understandably!) wanted to pass him!!!  Come on, dude!

 

I find that in Minnesota everyone, for the most part, goes exactly the speed limit.  I had a state trooper pull up beside me one day when I was going 70 in a 60mph zone and instruct me, over his loud speaker, to slow down.  Seriously?  Well, okay.  If that's the way you guys like to play it out here in the frozen tundra.

 

Exactly the speed limit is annoying, but I can handle it.  But below the speed limit is just intolerable!

 

I know, I know, 'outside my circle of influence.'  I just wish his influence hadn't impacted my 20 mile jaunt down 494.

Smile!

Now that I'm no longer nauseous and throwing up 24/7, I was finally able to go to the dentist this morning! Yay! It's Hubs' uncle, so it's not very scary to go there. And my teeth are clean! It actually drove me crazy knowing I was overdue for my 6 month appointment, so I'm feeling a long awaited sense of calm today. Well, that might be mildly overstating my mental wellbeing. I'm feeling, at the very least, a long awaited senes of calm along my gum line. The rest of me is still a little tweaky.

Reprioritizing

It's Saturday and I'm at work. I've been thinking lately, about work. About the baby and work. And about my career aspirations. I think I'm going to focus on trying to get a work-from-home slot before this kid is born. I'd been thinking another route - promotion. The two are sort of mutually exclusive. But lately I've been starting to think about how nice it would be to not have the hassle of going to work, even though I'd still of course have the hassle of doing work. I could drop the baby off at daycare in the morning and go pick the baby up at daycare after work and not have any nightmarish commute in between. One of the daycares we're looking at is less than 2 miles from our house - I could stop in on my lunch break. And it'd be nice not to worry about showering and dressing for work. To be able to start a load of laundry in between client calls. Or empty the dishwasher. Or mail something.

I'd really miss the people. I like socializing at work - I always have enjoyed forming relationships with coworkers. I have several friends here and many acquaintances, and I'd miss seeing their faces. But I think in the grand scheme of things, the tradeoffs might be worth it. I thought I'd need to get out of the house, to never lose this part of myself that makes me feel fulfilled. Not just the work, the going to work. But lately I've been exhausted, and that's without our latest addition doing much other than making it harder for me to squeeze into my dress pants. Once the baby is here, our lives will be so hectic if nothing changes. And I don't like hectic. I like calm, and I'm thinking working from home might offer me my best shot at claiming a little slice of sanity.

Now... to snag a work-from-home slot. I need to start getting ruthless. The gloves'll have to come off for this one.

Pushing limits

Today my commute into work took 1.5 hours, because of the snow. MORE snow. My zen approach to traffic is really being tested.

Plus I faced two horrible words this morning when opening a new package of tights (the only clean ones I have after a week of wearing skirts): control top. Those two words are no friend to a pregnant woman.

Which brings me to another point: maternity clothes. It's odd, but I'm very resistant to buying maternity pants. I'm okay with maternity tops, since I love the babydoll look anyway. But I'm definitely pushing it by continuing to wear my regular pants. I don't want to do the trick with the rubber band, or buy a belly band, so I'm just wearing the pants I own that have a little more give to begin with. About two-thirds of my pants won't button anymore.

What's kept me from ordering from Gap maternity this week is that I'm right at the point where all those Ann Taylor Loft skirts that hung unworn in the back of my closet for years because they were just a little bit too big are fitting perfectly. Score! Except, this means wearing tights. And it's hard to find tights that are comfortable. I guess I could always buy maternity tights - that doesn't seem as scary as maternity pants.

I know my days are numbered here - time is running out.

A mantra to start off your morning

I started off my day sitting in standstill traffic that added 45 minutes to my commute.  Boo.  I had to call into work to have them cancel my first appointment of since I wasn't moving an inch.  It's hard to roll with the punches sometimes, but today I felt oddly calm.  Even though things weren't going my way.  I just sat back, listened to music, and daydreamed a little bit.  It helped that on the morning radio show the hosts were having people call in to recount how they found out they were pregnant and how they shared the news with their partners - those are fun stories to hear.  It also helped that yesterday someone said to me in casual conversation, "I realize that it's out of my circle of influence..." when referring to a potentially stressful situation.

 

That's my new thing now.  'Out of my circle of influence.'  I like it!  Traffic is 'out of my circle of influence,' hence, no point wasting energy getting upset about it.  :)

 

Try it out with your morning coffee.  You might like it too.  It's good stuff.

Lamest pregnancy symptom ever

Pregnancy nasal congestion.  Seriously?!?!?!

 

What an unimpressive symptom!

 

It doesn't in any way make you feel more connected to your baby or like a glowing earth mama.  It doesn't even seem related at all.  And yet, I snored last night (according to reputable sources) and woke up periodically because I couldn't breathe through my nose.

 

Here, Mother Nature, I draw the line.  That's just stupid!!!