Everyone wants a piece

So Fridays are my one day with Piper, my reward for working Monday through Thursday and barely having two hours with her between when I collect her from daycare and when she goes to bed. My make-up time, if you will. And I feel like I deserve them.

My problem is, not many people have the same desire to treat my Fridays as a holy day. People want to plan things, to stop by, to schedule appointments. Occasionally, if forced, I make an exception. But it's a slippery slope. Because let's face it, there's always good reason to see me on a Friday. A pressing reason. A reason why Saturday or Sunday wouldn't work as well. If I start to give up my time on Fridays, it's like leaking a drop of blood in an ocean of sharks.

My need to protect my Friday time with Piper is so strong. But how do I defend it without seeming like an inflexible witch? Does it make sense to anyone else out there that I'd want this world - this world that keeps monopolizing and sucking away my precious, precious time with my beautiful baby girl - TO LEAVE ME ALONE ON FRIDAY????????

No seriously. I'm asking???



No, not Piper, although every once in a great while she can be a little stinker :) It's me. Lately I stink as a blogger, and I'm not sure that I can recover. Life is so full - I worry that I won't ever have time to blog again. Which is so sad because I love it and miss it! I'm torn - should I give up now and let it go? Or keep trying (and most likely failing miserably?).

I started a blog about Piper that's for our family to keep up on the happenings with the little munchkin. But I do think it'd be healthy to continue to have a blog of my own, since I still have an identity outside of just being a mother. Except that, let's be honest. Right now I don't. I work from home, four long days. Then Friday through Sunday I spend as much time as possible with Piper and run around doing all the things that running a household, being a wife and being a mom involve. Not to mention being a friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, etc. There's not time left over to define myself as an individual independent of someone else. And certainly no time to be interesting.

And maybe I'll never have that time again. But, maybe I will. I'm not sure. So for now, if you ever check this blog, I can't promise anything dramatic. But if you hang in there, I may be able to deliver a grown-up blog again someday :)


Wishing the day away

I know this is probably silly, but here is my fear after dropping Piper off today:  what if she isn't as happy anymore now that she has to go to daycare?  Will she still be the same smiley, giggly, girl who loves waking up every morning?  I just LOVE that she's such a happy baby - confident, easy going, energetic and aware.  What if this changes her in some fundamental way?
Drop-off actually went okay this morning - Piper looked uncertain, and her lower lip jutted out a few times, but there were two other kiddos there who were keeping her occupied and I didn't hear her cry as I left...?
How long do you think I need to wait before I call and find out how she's doing?
4:30pm can't come fast enough.


Bye Bye Mommy

First day of daycare tomorrow - Piper's bag is packed, we're ready to go.  Hubs read "Bye Bye Mommy" to Piper tonight, a book about getting dropped off at daycare (I can't even read it - it's too upsetting).  I'm so sad.  I know it's not that different - I've had family caring for Piper but I've been back to work for six weeks.  Still, I've been home and she's been home.  Tomorrow I'll be home and she'll be someplace else and that breaks my heart.  My plan was to keep Piper out of daycare for as long as possible, but I think I waited just a little too long.  Last week - just last week - she started getting separation anxiety.  I can't even bear to think of her crying when I leave her tomorrow.  I know, I know, I'm not - by far - the first to go through this, and I won't be the last.  But I'll have a tough day tomorrow all the same.


Broken promises

I know, you aren't going to believe me when I promise that now, finally now, I'll become a better blogger - the type of blogger I used to be. You know, one who actually - dare we say it? - blogs. But I promise I will! I think I've jumped a hurdle this week. The last of my family has left, after 6 weeks. I'm sad, of course. They were here to take care of Piper, and in the process - because they're awesome - they took care of us too. Cooking, cleaning, organizing, letting us nap. Letting us run out to the gym. Letting us do those things you no longer take for granted after having a baby, like showering. But the only positive is that now we've been forced to begin our normal routine, and it's one that we'd been putting off. And since we'd been putting it off, naturally I built it up in my mind as the worst transition i'd ever have to go through.

So far, it's not. This week, my MIL began her two days per week of daycare. Piper will go to daycare on Mondays and Tuesdays, and my MIL will come to the house on Wednesdays and Thursdays. We haven't started taking Piper to daycare, but this week we had my MIL come Wednesday and Thursday. And it was actually really good! HUGE sigh of relief. Because of course I'm home all day, working. Which adds another dimension to all this. But things went smoothly. Piper cries a little bit more with her than she does with me, but my MIL adores her and quickly distracts her with cuddles, toys, and an endless stream of genuine smiles of delight. Piper warms up to that kind of treatment quickly :)

Monday is our last big transition - daycare. We go to the daycare tomorrow to drop off paperwork and have C meet Piper. Then we get the weekend to fret about what dropoff will be like. And then, Monday at 4:30pm, it's over. And we begin the process of settling into our permanent routine.

Luckily, we have a lot to look forward to. Piper's baptism. Halloween. (I already have themed outfits for her to wear each day the week leading up to Halloween!). Thanksgiving with Mookie and B in Missouri, then Christmas with my sis, my nieces, and my mom in Austin. Now that my maternity leave is done I actually get vacation time again - and I plan to take it! So the next several months will be filled with my side of the family. And my mom will probably come again this winter for an extended stay to once again watch Piper (and watch over Piper's mom).

Speaking of Piper... she's amazing. She's the best kid ever! She's been sleeping through the night recently, she laughs and smiles and loves to cuddle with her mama. She's discovering her hands. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my little angel. I couldn't adore her more. Yet every day I, even though it hardly seems possible, I do :)

So that's the news. And now that things are more settled, I plan to blog more. Unless you have a death wish you're most likely not holding your breath. But maybe I'll surprise you...


All's well that ends well

Two pumps were hand delivered to my door no less than 40 minutes after my pump left me high and not so dry. By a husband no less. Friends (especially friends who live close and just switched to formula) are good to have. And it was priceless to have the husband telling me "Now this is the letdown button..."