Saturday on the couch: More thoughts

So I was trying to think of the SCARIEST THINGS IN THE WORLD. This is what I came up with:

1. sharks (clearly)
2. our basement
3. anybody else's basement
4. that kid in The Grudge
5. that kid in The Grudge in our basement
6. that kid in The Grudge in anybody else's basement
7. ticks
8. serial killers
9. serial killers in our basement
10. serial killers in anybody else's...... well, you get the point

The reason I was thinking about this is that Boyfriend and I are going on a cruise in March, to the Bahamas. Yay! Except, since the minute we booked the trip, I've become overwhelmed with this fear of... I'm not quite sure what. I'm not really scared of boats or getting sea sick. I'm terrified of the ship sinking or of me getting thrown overboard. BF says I won't get thrown overboard, but they have this rock climbing wall on the ship and I have this scenario in my head of me getting chucked into the (shark infested) waters as I'm scaling the rock climbing wall. BF says that won't happen either. But, I mean, he's not an expert really, so how sure can he be?

He says he's pretty sure.

I think what scares me most is my fear that I'll be scared. I'm worried I'm going to step foot onto the Majesty of the Seas and completely lose my shit. And that I know for a fact could happen - it happened once before when I went into this giant "belly of a whale" exhibit at the Children's Museum in St. Louis. Complete claustrophobic breakdown. In the middle of a kindergarten class. Not my kindergarten class, because this only happened about three years ago.

It hasn't happened since, but now I'm well aware of the potential.

I've been contemplating asking my doctor for some "just in case" drugs, something to keep on hand in case I have a panic attack as we board. Something potent. BF hasn't argued against this plan, so I think he has more faith that I won't get tossed into the ocean than he does that I'll successfully get my ass onto that boat.

Luckily, since I went to grad school and gained a vast array of useful knowledge and about a zillion dollars in student loan debt, I know which drugs to request to guarantee an unshakable state of calm (psychopharm, baby - all you ever wanted to know about anything that's tempting to take). But I'm not sure that mixing any of them with several fruity cocktails is really recommended, so that's a snag I hadn't considered until just now. Hmmm. Tricky. Very tricky.