I'm scrupulously organized. But today I did a very stupid, uncharacteristically flaky thing that makes me feel (and no doubt look) like a total asshole. And the very worst part is that I actually had the nerve to believe the other person had made the careless mistake, until proven otherwise. I hate it when that happens.
Queasy
So I have a new home now. I live with Fiancé. At his home. Which is now my home. Except that in my head it is still his home. The boxes are almost unpacked, and by almost I mean at least more than 50%.
I'm going in on Saturday to try on the prototype of my wedding dress again, because it's still in the process of being delivered and won't arrive until September 15th, and I forget what it looks like. I called the store today and they directed me to a photo on the designer's website. It's a beautiful dress. But I'm terrified that I will hate it when I try it on. Is that possible? Could I LOVE my wedding dress in March and hate it in June? I feel a little sick to my stomach.
I also need to pick up some accessories I purchased, and choose earrings and shoes.
Last night Fiancé and I had our first argument as roommates while we were setting up our home. It went like this:
Him: (As I was placing a picture frame and ceramic bowl on an end table near the front door) "I was going to put my obelisk on that end table."
Me: "You were?"
Him: "Where did you want to put it?"
Me: "The trash?"
Him: "I like it."
Me: "It looks like it belongs in a frat house."
Him: "I like it."
Me: "Really???"
Long pause as we both glanced over to where the obelisk in question sat in a corner.
Me: "But..... seriously???"
Not the proper response. I see that now.
Letting go
Not really. More like having someone pry my fingers off a ledge I'm desperately clinging to.
Today I was reduced to putting my face in my hands and whimpering inconsolably: "I'm usually SO organized!" This I swore to the woman at the bank who had to order me another debit card because I seem to have thrown out the first one they sent me for my new joint account with Fiancé. To think I worried that he'd be the weak link when it came to monitary diligence.
My life is out of control. There's been so much to do, and so much travel to throw it all off schedule. I can't even recognize the scattered, flaky person who has inhabited my body. Someone who actually has come to accept the mantra 'eh, that's probably good enough'. But with so much going on at once, good enough is just about all I can deliver.
