A warning shot fired

Yesterday, Hero and I had a crisis. A genuine crisis. Like, for real. Bad things happened.

What bad things, you ask?

Hero got his ear stuck in the Swivel Sweeper.

If you'd walked through our front door while this was taking place, you'd think an atom bomb had detonated in the kitchen. The noises, the crashing of plastic on floor, the flashes of fur, the squealing in pain (Hero) and screaming in absolute horror (me), the biting, flailing, scratching, PANIC! My heart was hammering and my voice was shrill with fear and adrenaline and Hero was losing. His. Shit. Not literally. But figuratively, shit was lost.

I finally got him to stand still so I could hold him and the Swivel Sweeper at an angle where it wasn't pulling on his ear. He calmed. He stood as still as I've ever seen him stand, and I could feel his little heart beating away through his furry, heaving chest. I can only imagine what he was thinking: What the hell? I always bite that thing. What the hell just happened? What's HAPPENING?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My head! It has my head in it's evil teeth! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Hero, stay calm. Stay still. It's okay." I finally realized if I didn't keep my cool no one else would do it for me. I needed to be clear headed and figure out how to extract my traumatized dog from this anti-PETA instrument of torture. I reached for the cordless and called Hubs, instructing him to come home immediately. I can only imagine at first he thought I was kidding, when I told him our puppy was stuck in the Swivel Sweeper. It sounds funny enough, until you start to really think about it. But he didn't laugh. Dutiful husband that he is, he just said he would be there in minutes.

So with Hero standing stock still in my arms I began to investigate how exactly the Swivel Sweeper had a hold of his floppy ear. It turns out his ear had gotten sucked into one of the spinny brushes and gotten tangled around and around. It took about five minutes of very careful finagling (because I knew if I pulled on his fur he would freak out and jump out of my arms, dragging both himself and the Swivel Sweeper across the kitchen floor once again in their already rehearsed tango of terror) and then I was finally able to free him. With both ears still intact.

When Hubs got home I was still shaking. I couldn't believe how scary that was - how much of a blur it had been and how quickly everything had gone wrong. So wrong. I blame myself - Hero was trying to bite at the Swivel Sweeper (he's always hated that thing) and I didn't think anything bad would happen. I told him to stop, but I didn't pull him away from it or remove him from the room. It just hadn't occured to me that this was a dangerous situation.

Looking on the bright side, Hubs commented, "At least we know now to keep him in a different room when you vaccuum."

I feel nauseas just imaging how things could have been so much worse.

So I suppose I got off easy. Still, consider yourself warned. Dogs + Swivel Sweeper = big scary bad.



Anonymous said...

I get freaked out when our dogs hurt themselves too. I always think I'm going to see a bone sticking out of somewhere it shouldn't, or something equally gross. Jack got his paw stuck in the chainlink fence last summer and was freaking out and hurting himself trying to pull it out. We finally got him to calm the eff down and easily pulled his paw out of the gigantic hole it was stuck in. These animals are making us age far faster than we ordinarly would...

1:40 PM
calicobebop said...

Oh you poor thing and your poor, poor puppy! How absolutely horrifying! I'm both proud and amazed at your quick calm thinking. I'm sure I would have been a complete basket case. Thank goodness your husband is such a rock. Whew!

1:45 PM
Mel said...

Never, ever in a MILLION years would I ever think that this could happen. I am so used to my dog just standing there and barking at my Hoover, who'd have thought?
I am so glad he is ok and you were able to untangle him. Dogs do the darndest things, eh?

1:51 PM
Cat said...

Oh my god. I am so sorry but I found this freaking hilarious (you know, since I know how it ended and everyone is ok). My dogs were TERRIFIED of the vacuum and would cower in another room when I had it out. Now I know why. They'd gotten wind of the even vacuum brush teeth.

2:51 PM
~Jess said...

Oh my goodness! How scary! How's he doing now?

If someone had been telling me this I would have thought it was a joke.

3:18 PM
HeatherPride said...

ACK! The tango of terror!! Oh, that would have freaked me out too. I don't do panicky injuries well. It makes me panicky! You did a great job!

3:39 PM
Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Oh my! I am glad to hear that all is ok now. You poor thing...and of course, poor Hero. Stupid vacuums. ((HUGS))

3:52 PM
Michelle said...

Poor Hero. What a scary situation. Clara got herself into a pickle the other day too. She really likes the vacuum too. Whenever we vacuum the downstairs we first have to take the attachment to her and give her a good rub with it.

4:03 PM
Casey said...

Oh no, that poor dog! My kids attack the vacuum when I use it but the dogs keep their distance. I guess I'll have to watch out that I don't suck up a child. That would definitely be bad, thanks for the warning. I'm glad Hero was ok!

4:53 PM
Danifred said...

Poor Hero! Our dogs are also vacuum chasers (and hair dryer biters) Ive often thought about the electrocution factor, but never the entanglement!

6:43 PM
Vikki a.k.a "V" said...

Ok, sorry to tell you this but your post just made my day. I have never laughed soooo hard. I know that is mean but, you see, I have this goofy boxer pup who does the EXACT same thing and I was picturing myself and him in your scenario. I can see myself calling the husband and all! Thank you for the laugh and happy to hear that all turned out well.

6:45 PM
michelle said...

Rufus used to attack the hose attachment of the vacuum... until it got his tongue caught.! Yup, his HIS TONGUE!

Isabel, she ate a tub of butter once. Had to induce vomiting. Hydrogen peroxide does the trick for that, fyi. Also makes their mouth foam like crazy from all the bacteria, so your dog is foaming like a mad Ole Yeller as she vomits up the oily yellow mass of butter.... all over your white carpet.

People say kids are hard? Yeah, dogs are so much worse.

7:42 PM
Kahla said...

OMG, who would ever seriously think that would happen??!? Poor little guy! I think you did a great job handling it, I would have freaked too!

8:26 PM
Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

Too funny! As a new dog owner, I completely can emphasise (sp???) OMG this dog! I love her, but...

9:21 PM
Scotty said...

Poor Hero!

11:43 PM
Kelli said...

Ack!!! This was funny yet terrifying yet entertaining yet horiffic all in one go. haha Such a range of emotion first thing in the morning. haha Poor Hero and poor you. I'm glad everyone is fine. It will be interesting to see Hero's reaction to the Swivel Sweeper next time it shows it's evil face.

8:42 AM
Sprite's Keeper said...

When the vaccuum gets turned on in our home, the dogs go running the other way. So does the kid.. If I didn't need to worry about overheating, I would probably let it go, have a seat, and take a breather.
In fact, I may just try that tonight!
Glad Hero is ok!

9:36 AM
Bob said...

This story reminds me of the time when my 3 yr old daughter was watching my wife cooking and kept wanting to touch the black grating the pan had been sitting on while cooking. She had been warned it would hurt and burn her fingers. With the burner turned off and my wife taking the pot to the table, my 3 yr old had to prove her mom wrong since the fire was now gone. With a shriek and immediate insertion of her forefinger and thumb into her mouth, my wife realized what Elizabeth had done and treated her with cold water to stop the heat, but the pain and the resulting blisters were the best teacher. We felt really bad for her, and never dreamed after numerous warnings she'd just have to find out for herself. Fortunately, one warning for every other danger she faced after that was enough from then on. Hero will probably NEVER attack the sweeper again or even get close to it.

10:34 AM
Laura said...

Sorry to hear about the swivel sweeper debacle. Glad it all turned out okay, though. I hope you're keeping warm. I find it best to stay in as much as possible. And have hot chocolate. Because this is when hot chocolate is made for!

12:45 PM
Christine Slay said...

OMG! How scary (and now a funny story) that could happen! My dog bites the cleaner when I use it but I never thought something like what you describe could happen! Happy to hear all parts are intact for Hero thanks to your quick thinking!!

1:23 PM
Kat said...

That is crazy! Poor little dog. i am sure he is gonna be traumatized for life. My dog is scared of everything so I don't have to worry about her going anywhere near my vacuums. She runs even when I am sweeping the kitchen floor.

1:57 PM
Anonymous said...

Oh my! No more swivel sweepers!

4:10 PM
Cat said...

At my blog, you'll find an award. You're welcome :)

9:37 AM
Anndi said...

Poor pooch! I feel like such a bad person when something happens to one of the dogs. Guess dogs have an instinctual knowledge that those things are evil and that's why I've never net a dog that like sweepers or vacuums.

6:43 PM
Anonymous said...

lol - poor Hero!

9:23 AM
Melanie said...

Let it be a lesson to hounds everywhere, the consequences for operating the wrong end of household cleaning appliances are dire. Be warned.

2:12 PM
Crys :D said...

hahahah... poor little guy. but on a completely insensitive note, how do you like the swivel sweeper? is it as awesome as the infomercial makes it sound??

9:00 AM
Reinvent Dad said...

Oh man and I had JUST mentioned in a blog that I thought the Swivel Sweeper was one of the better inventions in recent years....sorry about your experience and I'll have to remember this when we get a dog.

7:16 PM