The score

Everytime I get a graded exam or assignment back from my nutrition class, I'm reminded of just how achievement-oriented I am. I've always known this about myself - I like to be the best. It's an elusive pursuit.

Yesterday was my 1/2 birthday. I forgot all about it, but BF got me a cute card, painted me a beautiful picture, and made me cupcakes. This morning when we woke up, he asked me if I felt any older. The funny thing is, I do. Not because of my 1/2 birthday. This year I feel older, wiser, and suddenly in possession of a vague sense of universal perspective.

When my Grandma died, it slammed things into focus for me. I understand my life in a way I never did before. I can honestly say that I have a very accurate conception of what is, and is not, important.

But grades are my weakness. One number that symbolizes where you stand on something. 100% perfection. It's the kind of canned validation that I can't resist. I wish grades didn't matter to me because I get that, in reality, they don't matter. But it's just too easy. Grades are like an island in the midst of a murky and vast sea. A tangible haven when you just want a place to touch your feet down.