Running on empty

Today was my final weekly class in a two-month series - it's where I've spent eight consecutive Wednesdays. I'll miss all my classmates. They were fun. After we were set free early today I took the #10 bus to the red line and spent most of the trip home chatting with a fellow colleague. She asked me how the wedding plans are coming. Then she got an earful.

I walked through my front door, threw my jeans and t-shirt on the floor in favor of my Mizzou running shorts and a sports bra, and hit the road. It was a beautiful day today and I had some steam to blow off. I drove to Fresh Pond and did a quick loop around. Just being outside was calming and rejuvenating.

Without disclosing personal issues or being passive-aggressive by bitching in my blog, suffice it to say that Fiancé and I are having some issues. They aren't necessarily even our issues. But we've been going to the mat about them nonetheless. And it feels shitty to fight with Fiancé about our wedding. We should just be happy. I wish everyone else would remove themselves from an equation that they don't factor into to begin with.

And therein lies the problem: Fiancé and I feel differently about how much of a say anyone else should have in our lives. I'm from the 'it's my life and I'll do whatever I damn well please' camp, while Fiancé isn't quite as fierce in guarding his adult-given right to choose for himself. He's independent, but he's not independent on principle. I'm independent on principle: I earned it, it's mine, don't encroach on my territory.

There's been encroaching.

I know that I'll have to deal with all of these issues productively and collaboratively very soon. My stubborn reactions aren't fair to Fiancé, or at least not helpful to him. But for today it felt great to succumb to my frustration and duke it out with my sneakers and a decent stretch of pavement.