Some days there's nothing like a good bullet:
- Hubs has been working insane hours, and most nights last week stayed overnight close to work at an apartment they graciously have for his usage as he's working his ass off and unable to spend any time with his family. Nice of them to provide accommodation. We miss him.
- A few words on the baby front, which I've purposely been avoiding mentioning for many months now. The thing is, we haven't been trying. There, I've said it. Cat's out of the bag. No medicated cycles beyond that initial failed one, no tests, no blood work, no injections, no ultrasounds. I've been on the pill. I feel like a bad want-to-be mom for saying that, but it just didn't fit into our lives as I struggled to adjust to a new job and most days barring a rare exception Hubs and I are both so burnt out that we barely have the energy left over for each other, let alone anyone or anything else. I have always had plans for how things would be when we finally got pregnant, and I don't want to compromise on where I am in my life when that eventually happens. I know things can't be perfect, but I want things to be calm before our worlds get turned upside down. I want us to be in a good place, I want our home to be ready, and I want to be able to welcome the joy and happiness with open arms and hearts (and schedules).
- All that being said, we're set to start trying again soon enough. Whether or not we go through with that is uncertain at this point, as I'm having some serious doubts about the timing yet again. But whatever we decide, I guess I just need to make no apologies for that. It's an amazing gift to be a mother, and some people try so hard to make that happen without breaks or selfish thoughts or doubts. I'm learning I'm not that person, so I'm owning up to that fact.
- I also don't really know how much I want to talk about our baby journey, or potential lack thereof, on this blog because this blog is my place to talk about my whole life and I don't want to feel like I can only write when I have something meaningful to talk about. I'm full of fun, meaningless stuff!!!
- I won't be eligible to compete for a work-from-home slot until December, so this first wave of lucky suckers doesn't include yours truly :( I'm seriously bummed. I'm hoping that a second round will happen in December, and crossing my fingers that it'll work out then. It rained a lot this week, and my longest single-direction commute took an hour and 45 minutes. TORTURE.
- We have too many weeds in our yard, and today I need to get SERIOUS with the Weed-B-Gone. SERIOUS. Because in this neighborhood people get very edgy if you're not on top of your yard work. That's on my agenda for today, since it's not too hot outside and Hubs is - again - gone until around 10pm.
- We want to build a deck on the house and do some landscaping to add more trees to the yard, etc. We're not sure if that'll happen this fall or next fall, but it's the first major home project topping our list. If only we ever had time to work on figuring it out.
- We're wondering - just a little - why we bought a house. When I asked him last night, Hubs said, "It's just what you're expected to do. Get married, buy a house." Too true. But it's a giant pain in the *ss! Does anyone else find that to be the case? The cleaning, the yard work, the home improvement that even if you think your house is perfect initially you're nonetheless eventually tempted by inevitable dissatisfaction to do? You may as well get a giant black Sharpie and X out every weekend in your calendar! And the very worst part is, we're already talking about where we'd want to move next, after we unload this present burden and upgrade to a bigger, more time intensive investment! (As I sit writing this by an open window I'm surrounded by the sound of lawn mowers. Thankfully my father-in-law mowed for us this week, since we were too busy to do it ourselves. And by we I mean Hubs. Elle Charlie doesn't mow.)