The departed. Or not

Last night I went to see The Departed with TD and J. It was riveting, well scripted, and beautifully acted. Matt Damon was good, but Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing. I've always thought him to be a talented actor, despite the blip that is Titanic. But he reminds me of one of my more serious college boyfriends R. R was an abusive psychopathic asshole and later also proved himself to be quite a competent and resourceful stalker. So you can imagine why it's hard for me to fully appreciate Leo, hot or not.

It's funny how you can easily exorcise some people from your life. And some you can't. R was a lifetime ago, but the sight of someone who looks like him makes me sick to this day. He was responsible for years of unlisted phone numbers and unexplainable jumpiness. He's to thank for introducing the concept of caller ID into my life. I wouldn't put my name out into cyberspace. I constantly googled myself to make sure nothing would come up. He didn't halt my life, but he did have me looking over my shoulder for a long time.

I should count myself lucky. I've had a string of great boyfriends. Real humanitarians and genuinely stand-up people. I pick good. R was my only mistake. So I can accept that I made one. I won't ever make another one, I can tell you that much. It was a hard lesson but I learned it well and fast.

R is gone from my life, and pretty much gone from my memories. But the sight of Leo still jolts me. I'm sure that will go away too. But a decade later, it hasn't yet. I guess that's the thing about ghosts. They can be gone, but they aren't necessarily departed. Maybe that's important. I'm sure they serve a purpose.



Trish said...

How horrible to have fear like that following you for so long. I can't imagine.

12:15 PM
Trish Ryan said...

I know the feeling re: unexplained jumpiness - not fun. I'm like that with Antonio Banderas - something about him makes my skin crawl, like he was made in the same factory as the guy who turned out to be such a mistake. Ick.

Glad to hear it didn't ruin the movie for you - that's progress :)

1:32 PM