Best not to feed it

Lately I've been getting a lot of praise. It's like I walk on water. My performance eval at work was glowing. The phrase "every supervisor's dream employee!" actually came up. In writing. I evaluated myself harshly, because in the back of my mind was the certainty that I hadn't committed 100% to my job this past year. But hey, who am I to argue with my supervisor?

At the door the other morning, BF said "I'm so lucky to have you in my life - you're wonderful." I asked him why, and he said because I'm so supportive and loving. I was a little surprised, because in the back of my mind was the certainty that I hadn't been very supportive or loving the night before when I came home all pissy and threw a fit because... well, because I could. But hey, who am I to argue with my boyfriend?

Rifling through my desk yesterday I came across a card from a graduated student. In the card, she thanked me for being such a great advisor to her student group. I felt guilty, because in the back of my mind was the certainty that I hadn't given that student group the same kind of devotion and nurturance I gave my other, most favorite student group. But hey, who am I to argue with a greeting card?

And then last night, after she finished my highlights, my hairdresser told me that my hair looked fabulous, and that I'm a total babe. I finally gave in. I agreed, because in the back of my mind was the certainty that I'm nothing short of stunning. Hey, who am I to argue with a mirror?

See? That's what superfluous praise does. It goes to my head. My newly highlighted head. And then we're all in trouble. The last thing I need in my demanding, self-absorbed personality is a huge ego where the self-confidence problem used to be. The self-confidence problem is the only thing that makes me bearable.