More than she bargained for

(I was looking through my blog and found this unpublished post I wrote on June 23rd)

For the most part, in the eyes of my Grandma, I can do no wrong. If I got thrown in jail, she'd comment on how stylish I look in my prison-issue jumper. Mookie laughs about it, because as her son, I'm not sure he gets the same starry-eyed unconditional approval. But grandkids are always different.

She was the one who felt sorry for me when I was growing up. She used to say "Poor L. She gets so worked up about things," when other people saw me as a handful. She saw my temper tantrums as displays of spunk and gumption. She thought my wildness was fun, and my neurotic sensitivity was sweet. When I brought home guy after guy and announced, "This is the one," she thought I was just hopeful and passionate. When soon after I explained to her that I was no longer seeing my future husband, she thought I was independent and free-spirited.

The one thing she gives me a hard time about is that Boyfriend does most of the cooking. I call her a lot. She asks about BF, work, my life, what I'm up to, and if I've seen any good movies. And she always asks me if I've had dinner. I think she worries that if she didn't remind me, I wouldn't eat. When I call her from BF's, she used to ask if I was doing the cooking. After about the fifteenth time that I admitted that BF was in the kitchen while I was on the couch with my feet up, she began to catch on.

So on Tuesday we had this chat:

G: "Who does most of the cooking, you or BF?"

Me: "BF." Why start lying now?

G: "L, that's just terrible."

Me: "Why Grandma? He likes to cook, and I like his cooking. I do the dishes!"

G: "Men like it when a woman can cook."

Me: "I can tell you right now, no man who's looking for a personal chef would come near me."

G: "You could learn to cook!"

Me: "But he does so well without me."

G: "You do the dishes?"

Me: "Most of the time. Besides, I have other things to offer besides cooking."

G: "What other things, honey?" Genuinely curious.

Me: "Huh. Ummmmmm, let me think... hmmmm... well, like... ummmm..." A few uncomfortable moments went by before I fessed up. "Gosh, I really got nothin'."

G: "You need to learn to cook."

Me: "No, I really have nothing. Can that be?"

G: "Don't be silly. He's lucky to have you."

Me: (As it slowly dawns upon me) "Well that's what we've led him to believe, isn't it?! But it's not true!"

G: "Oh, now, of course it's true! You have a lot to offer him!"

Me: "But I don't!"

G: "I'm sure you do."

Me: "That's just it! God, it's practically brilliant! I really don't! But I make it seem like I do! It's so simple but that's why it's so fantastic! I'm so high maintenance that he gets confused, and thinks he's working toward something truly amazing. Like all the work will have a big payoff because I'm such a great catch. But really, I have nothing valuable to contribute to the relationship!"

G: "Now, this is just crazy. You're perfect. We all know that. BF thinks you're perfect. Why don't you tell me about the weather up there."

Me: "Wow, I'm a genius. When you think about it, I've got everyone fooled. I've even fooled us..."

G: "Now I'm sorry I brought it up - you have plenty of great things to offer any man. This is just silly, what we're talking about. You're perfect the way you are."

Me: "I'm so good I even tricked myself, I think!"

G: "If you just let mom teach you how to cook we wouldn't have to think about any of this."

Me: "I've probably even fooled mom..."

G: "I think we've exhausted this topic honey. It sure is getting hot here in NJ. What's it like up there?"

Me: "Grandma, you're so smart! This conversation has given me a lot to think about."

G: "Does any of that revolve around cooking?"

Me: "What? Cooking? No. I'm sorry - why, were you talking about cooking?"



SongBird said...

What a lovely post! It brought tears to my eyes.

10:07 PM
Trish said...

We should all have a grandma like this :-)

1:25 PM
Boo7 said...

Hope I am not double posting....I tried once before and it did not seem to go through??

Elle your grandma sounds like she was an amazing woman and you write some great posts about her.

By the way I love the name of your blog!!

6:08 PM