You'll never find it in a psych text book, but...

One of the great things about my life is that I have a sister who is wonderful at empathizing. She does it perfectly. First, she listens. Then she says, "That does suck." Then she may or may not offer helpful solutions, depending on whether I'm open to that or would prefer a good wallow. And then, she offers me a gem or two from her Jerry Springer Collection. Her JSC is an arsenal of stories she has saved up, some about her, most about her friends or friends of friends, that will invariably make anyone else feel lucky simply because they are not that person.

For example, tonight she told me about a friend's friend, let's call her S. S had two children at the time that her life fell apart. Her husband went on a trip to Vegas and came back acting very weird. Saying weird things, moping around all moody and depressed, skipping work. After a week, S confronted him about his behavior, suggesting (as I might do in such a situation) that he get over himself and suck it up. His response? He started accusing her that his children were "the spawn of the devil." S became so fearful for her own and her children's well being that she immediately threw them in the car, with no shoes! (C always adds the perfect level of detail to her stories), and drove them around for two hours. At which point she returned to the house to see if her husband had calmed down. Turned out, he hadn't. He'd taken a shot gun and began shooting off the deck into the backyard, prompting a neighbor to call the police. Then, when the police arrived, he shot himself. S pulled into her driveway and was greeted by squad cars and yellow tape. Later she found out that her husband had lost all their money. I'm not sure if that happened in Vegas, or was not related to said trip at all.

Anyway, that tale has a happy ending (believe it or not, I know it's hard to believe it!). But it served its immediate purpose. All night I've been thinking, no matter how bummed I am right now, thank God I'm not her.

Most people will tell you this kind of misery one-upsmanship is not actually helpful to people who are upset. As a therapist by training I'd tell you that too. But her JSP works every time. Like ice cream for a scraped knee: it shouldn't help in the healing process, but it does.