Bravo? Charlie?

Hero is a lovely puppy - he adores people, children, other dogs. He's white and fluffy and full of cuteness. So what could possibly go wrong?

I'll tell you what. Hero is the most stubborn, willful, pissy dog on the planet. Don't get me wrong here, he's definitely squirmed his way into my heart. I love him. But he's got some serious behavioral issues.

I know, I know. You can't see it. It doesn't add up. He's a cockapoo. Can you really be all that willful when your breed name ends in "poo"?

The thing about Hero is that Hero bites. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Hero, the cockapoo, bites. Elle Charlie, self proclaimed (but proclaimed nonetheless) bad ass extraordinaire, is afraid of her cockapoo. I can not say that enough. He's a cockapoo.

I really don't know where he gets this aggression from. He's neutered, and although I joke around about it, we don't yell at or get physical with Hero. We're both therapists by training. We talk, we soothe, and when push comes to shove we usually just give in. Hero isn't ever in any kind of threatening situation. He's never at risk for being harmed. We're not aggressive people, and we don't have an aggressive household.

I talked with Mookie about this the other day, because Mookie is something of an expert on canines. He's a wonderful owner to two dogs, and is endlessly fascinated by the entire species. I daresay he likes dogs better than people.

I told Mookie about an incident we had the other night, where Hero stole a dvd and then hid behind the couch. When I went to get him out, GENTLY, he growled and snapped at me. And then he bit Hubs (Hubs - gentle, patient, therapist Hubs!) twice. Hubs never loses his temper, he was merely talking calmly to Hero and trying to lure him into giving up the dvd.

When I presented this case study to Mookie, he said that Hero doesn't see us as alpha. He doesn't believe that anyone has control of the situation. Which only makes Hero more aggressive and unsure. Maybe because he can sense our anxiety (I'm sure I reek of anxiety - the moment he growls I freak out), maybe because we try to soothe him instead of taking charge. Maybe because he's just an über willful pooch. But regardless of why, Mookie felt that we need to reclaim control of the household, for the good of Hero. He believes in pack mentality - that Hero will be happier, calmer, and more at ease if we establish a pecking order (and he is not at the top of it).

Mookie suggested we do an exercise that a pet expert told him to do on his dog Sadie when she was puppy. It establishes dominance. We're supposed to put Hero on his back between our legs and hold him there until he stops struggling against us. We're not supposed to yell at him or be angry, just restrain him. And then be really nice to him, pet him and soothe him and tell him he's a good boy.

At the end of my conversation with Mookie I was very quiet. "What're you thinking?" he asked me.

"I can't believe he doesn't think I'm alpha," I replied, dumbfounded. "Me!"

"I know," Mookie commiserated, "It's a bit of a blow to the ol' self esteem, isn't it?"

So when Hubs came home that night I told him what Mookie had said. I then vented to him, "Can you believe he doesn't think I'm alpha? Me? Me!? I do everything for him!"

Hubs merely shrugged. "Maybe he thinks you're his servant," he joked.

"Well," I rounded on him, "Do you think he thinks you're alpha?"

I expected Hubs to say that of course not, he doesn't think anyone's alpha. He's an insubordinate little poocher.

Instead, Hubs shrugged again. "Yes."

I balked. "Yes!? You think he thinks you're alpha?"

"Yes," Hubs repeated. "He doesn't fight me when I have him in the submissive position. I put him on his back between my legs when I wipe his paws off and he just rests."

Now I was really getting upset. Why is Hubs alpha and not me? I would say between me and Hubs I'm far more alpha-like.

Later that night, my ego still wounded, Hero stole a tissue from the bathroom. I calmly got a hold of him and gently flipped him onto his back between my legs. He bit me twice and fought me for ages. Finally, he relaxed. But only as a tactical maneuver to gather more strength. Then there'd be another onslaught of his wrestling to get free. I talked to him calmly, but I didn't let go.

When I finally did release him I wasn't sure anything had been established. Mookie said we should do this several times a day, and then of course also when he steals things and we need to get them back.

A little later that night, Hubs let Hero outside. When Hero was ready to come back in, Hubs picked him up, placed him on his back, and began to wipe his paws. Hero was dead dog. He lay between Hubs' legs with his head on Hubs' thigh and just rested, breathing contentedly.

I stared at them. "Whttttttttttt?"

Hubs looked over at me. "He's always calm for me."

"Whttttttttt? You're alpha? And not ME? You and not me?" The proof is in the pudding. "WHY???"

Hubs shrugged again. Hey, when you got it, no need to flaunt it. Which made me even more angry.

"I can't believe this! I can't believe he doesn't think I'm in charge. I can't believe it!"

Again, with the shrugging.

"This is total crap!"

More shrugging.

"I'm not alpha, and I'm the only one who doesn't know it?"

Finally, a laugh. Ah ha. I'm funny, am I? Alpha this, boys. Just you wait! I'm in charge and while apparently that's not clear to anyone right now, just you wait. I'll show you alpha...

"Alpha's not something you do, it's something you are," Hubs told me in a very zen like voice.

Just you wait, gentleman.