Ripe for the pickin'

"I sell Mary Kay products. I'm a Mary Kay girl!!!"

Seriously?

Talk about rotten luck.

On the airplane to Austin. She's in seat 6C. I'm in 6D. By the window. With nowhere to go but out the emergency exit. I wish I'd paid attention when the flight attendant had talked about how pry that sucker open... does the inflatable slide still come out if you're already at cruising altitude?

I'm bad in sales situations. I hate being strong armed, but I'm also crap at just saying "f*ck off." I for one think it's unfair to corner someone on an airplane. I mean, nowhere to run, you little pink product pusher!

She's headed to a Mary Kay convention. She's excited about it. It should be very inspirational, she says.

Then she tries to schedule a consultation for me once we get back home. I can't say no (being I'm crap at that) so I ask for her card and I tell her I'll give her a call. Nice. Polite. She hands me her digits (along with a few brochures), but also insists on claiming my phone number. How? Just by making things ever so slightly awkward. By putting me in a position where I'd have to be repeatedly firm and rejecting. And I, on my way for a mini break to relax and get away from all things stressful, don't want to deal with awkward situations on my flight.

Natch, now she's calling me. This is made worse by her excellent sales tactic, employed once she had already laid claim to my personal information. "You're not just saying okay now and then you're going to ignore my calls, are you? I hate it when people do that. I wish they'd just say no upfront, and save me the time and energy. I call it "Minnesota Nice" - people just smile and nod their head and then later they blow me off. I hate it when people do that to me."

OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO TO YOU! How dare you play the victim? I've hinted every which way till Sunday that I'm not interested! I don't think I should have to be adamant and repeatedly reject you on an airplane! You figure it out! I don't want your pink magic. That's why my face looks like this! (Pained.) (And, I'd like to point out, already properly exfoliated and moisturized.) That's why I'm refusing to schedule the appointment without checking my calendar first. I told you I'm unemployed, how full do you really think my calendar is? Read between the lines! It's subtle, but I maintain that if YOU corner me with something unpleasant on an airplane while I'm trying to get into vaca mode, it's your job to read my cues. I. DON'T. WANT. YOUR. PINK. SH*T.

But now I'm the bad guy. What do I do? Call her back? Ignore her calls like she asked me not to? Allow her to come over with her pink voodoo and strip me of hundreds of dollars in my own home? I feel guilty but I still don't think all this is my fault. That was mean. She's mean. She's a big pink mean person. She tricked me into talking to her just so she could slam me with a pitch while I'm literally buckled in place. Talk about a captive audience.