My subconscious just won't let it go. Last night I had a lovely dream that I went to a doctor who was shocked to hear that my previous doctor had told us we'd miscarried. "But wait, I think I see something!" she said with excitement, pointing out a hazy image on a sonogram. "And I'm hearing a heartbeat!" I heard it too - I felt it, even, in my belly. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom.
I got dressed again and the doctor gave me a chicken sandwich (I don't know). I munched on it while I imagined calling Hubs to tell him the good news - it was all a huge mistake. The baby is fine, it's still with us! It's right here, in my belly. I can feel it.
* * *
I woke up with emptiness in the pit of my stomach where the heartbeat had been moments earlier in my dream. It didn't take me more than a millisecond to realize it was just a fantasy. I felt a huge wave of sadness, but then to my surprise was able to get out of bed and on with my day. For the first time I thought that our life is okay, right now. With just the two of us (and of course Hero). I want a baby, we want a baby, but for now we are doing alright. We'll just try again.
We'll just try again.
Posted by Elle Charlie Monday, October 13, 2008 at 4:10 PM